we reached the ending.

it happened few years ago... its this time around it happened again... but the different part of it this time around... i guess i am at fault too. i pushed him to the edge... and i don't blame him for taking the jump...
i am sorry... but i dont think there is any use of uttering those words now...
maybe it because i cared and loved him too much that is why i pushed...
maybe its because of my own insecurity i made him take the jump...
maybe it because of what was dealt my way before that i help him jump...
it does not matter anymore...
the pain that i feel currently is so real...
the pain that i keep now is just too real...
it does not matter anymore...
what i would give just to have him back...
maybe there is hope...
maybe not....
to say that i don't care
would be utterly lying
i do care...
i do want him back...
to blame it on the curse
i blame myself...
whats the use of pointing fingers...
four more points back to you...
if so it ends tonite...
good bye friend...
u shall be missed...

A Christmas Gift To all

My Friend,

If i could give you one thing , i wish for you the ability to see yourself as others see you.
Then you would realize what a truly special person you are.


We call that person who has lost his father an orphan, a widower that man who has lost his wife. but that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence.

Cheers all

jingle bells

this years christmas brought alot of different meanings and feelings... hahahaha.... yes it did... it was shall i say a meaningful christmas.. i have always viewed christmas as having to have a lavish tree and the whole trimmings with it (something like johns house beb i love your crib man) hahahahaha but then this year i didnt have a tree and i was not back in NZ. i was here in KL tree less and yet it all went down beautifully.
i had family, frens and old time neighbours around me that was just priceless... they surounded me with so much love, warmth and the whole meaning that makes christmas so speacial..
freindships that has been rekindled and the joy of being with people that care for you is just priceless...
they say that during christmas one tells the truth.. and yes this year that was done.. we all found out a few truth... but for now i shall leave it at that and will update you when the time comes..

one more.....

opppssss one more........

its really hot today

ok to be honest rite i never evr thot i would come across these pictures at all... hahahahaha i would say thank you sums for uploading these picturesss.... huhuh...it is extreamly hot tonite ok..i really dont know why its like a typical summer day its hot and dry.. and i guess i have just gotten tired of the whole caroling business and decided to listen to club music on BBC seriousely guys who would have thoty that BBC would have cool channels like this... buut yeah 2 days to the big day and im bored with the whole festive shitand no guys i am not having my period.. even the least of itsaw the shoot schedule just now fuyohhh i am a happy man we have extra rest day in penang and the aryani kuala terengganu....it means i get to chill like the pro's but that also means that not much drinking can be done in langkawi but then it could also mean that i get to bring more to penang to booze away..hurrraaayyyyyyyy!!!!! booze anywhere is still heaven ok...i could feel its nectar already...damn its hot.. oklar guys going to meet up with an old fren of mine.. no drinks tonite clean fun clean funYEAH RITE!!!!!!!

color

this is my little munchkin.. anytime i say i send little devils for kumon well he is one of them. i love them i never really thot that one day i would actually say i would want one of my own but yeah looking at them grow..i think i do want my own.. i just wished that it was as simple as going down to toys r us and picking one up.. ok you guys must be thinking why all of the sudden its like different colors.. well let me just put it this way.. i was going thru other peoples blog and i realized how pretty theirs were and how plain and black(im not being racist) mine is so yeah i thot lets color it in a bit...anyways i'm off now...i have not really seen civilization for 2 days now...

shame on you baki... shame on you

after the whole auditions we finally found miss trendy and miss sporty... i shall not reveal them to you yet... jeng jeng jeng ... really cant wait to take that time out session and like go off for the shoot at least it would take me away from this whole craziness... humm went and tried out for the bernama news reader yesterday dont know yet if i would get it or not.... was worried shitless coz cant geth thru mama and the whole jb going thru "The day after tomorrow" shit was just scary and unthinkable k... it was like literally like the movies where your just helpless and cant do anything about it and cant do anything else to help...but just sit there and wait like a waiting duck... why do i have to be this hopeless romantic who just constantly is a magnet for selfish heartless people.... hummm its one of those life misteries that one just cant solve.

teman auditions

it fels really different to be seating on the other side of an audition... this weekend i have learned that auditioning is not an easy job and making that choice is just not as easy as it seems.... the worse part is to reject or send them home time... i decided to play the bad guy this time around and it was really hard specially when you know that the person that you have just sent home is really talented but because of her skin color she didnt qualify... but among all i am very satisfide with the finallist or shall i say with the girls that we kinda put our eyes to... there is such thing as beauty with brain i mean not much but at least there is bits of fragment of brains still there... hahaha... i am being mean..anyways the final call and decision would only be made tomorrow noon so you participants cross your fingers and pray to god that your in

good evening

hahahaha the title is like literally i had a very nice evening... good food, great place and good company... tamarind springs is just majestic... the whole feel to the place... its worth every single penny really.. ahhhhh

come one come all

hey girls check this out and come over for the auditions!!!! i promise you shall have the time of your life!!!!

i no longer want to waste my time in making new frens

i hate this.... i hate it.... i hate this feeling... i just feel extreamly fucked up at the moment... i should have learned my lessons and never trust these idiots who comes into my fucking life and fools me into accepting them into my circle and fools me into trusting them and at the end of the day just decides to bugger off and just fuckes right out of my life. Fuck it!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant fucking care anymore..... if more people feels like they want to fuck rite out then be my fucking guest!!!!!

its a rainy day

i love wireless... ahhhhhhh
ok fine some of you would be saying that how ketinggalan zaman i am now baru nak ada wireless.. well guys as a fren of mine said layan a bit can or not..
its raining out side.. i am lazzing on my bed as i type away.... i was visiting Cherry tomato farah's blog and it sparked an idea for me to recap 2006... some really cool stuff happend and some not soo cool ones too.. so in todays edition i shall be a bit self indulgence and dedicate this entree to 2006 cheers

1.i took up the idea of "just ride the wave"
hahahahaha funny aint it.. coming from a control freak like me.. but i dont know i am enjoying it at least it leaves me with less headaches and heart aches.. i mean if it was meant to be then i would have been in NY by now but if i did take up NY then i would not have meet up with really cool and beautiful people from both TSOT and Media Prima... i love these guys they have been great and supportive...
if i didnt take the plunge to resign from NOEL and teaching then i would not have confirmed my family's undivided support and love to me... ive grown to cheerish them better day by day.. till today i am still learning

2.its ok to dream.. if you think hard enough it might just work
its true i am a dreamer and i cant change that...i have these idealistic scenes running in my head.. and nothing can stop me in staying that way... i tried to change as some part of society feels that its silly and its unheard off.. but then i suffered... i lost myself thru the way... and so one day a bird told me that its ok to dream just as long as you work towards your dream... only try not to get dissapointed easily when things dont go your way... keep on working it.

3. i learned to love again..
ok.. this is not because i just watch "Cinta".. along my journey this year...while i was running i accidentally stumble over a "red cherry tomato" and when i picked it up and looked at it closely i began to like the "cherry tomato" and as i examine it closer i realised that i might not be able to find the same "cherry tomato" ever... i took a bite but it tasted sour at first but now im getting used to the sour taste and hopefully one day it might just turn sweet.

4. take the risk..
its ok to just let go and take the risk not knowing if you would swim or drown.....ikve taken some major risk this year and i have no regrets as it has turned out ok...i mean there was a period of time that some stuff was just not going my way with risk that i have taken but then that didnt stop me from taking futher risk... infact this coming days i shall be taking a very big risk that might just break me or build m...insyaallah it shall work my way....

5. i have my loses too
i have just lost an aunt of mine... i see her as a final link between me and my fathers family.. i lost a Guru ... ok find i mean he is still around its just that i am no longer learning from him anymore... but now stepping outside and seeing his methods from the outside i understand him better...but with all this lost i think i gained so0 much more

this year is not like so canggih... i didnt get any special mention or award ... i didnt get any big contracts or anything like that... but i guess i learned alot and i gained so many new friends that are worthy to keep... but of all this i shall still work on the existing relationships that i have and hope that it would grow and bloom one day...

aite i am sleepy.. the rain is getting heavier what better time to take a nap... see you guys soon

Cinta

HAhaHA... it was a really funny evening last night.. i went and caught "Cinta" the movie.. yes eventhou i am no longer with Media Prima i still went to give my support..of course it was also to see frens on screen and give them a moral blast....
it would say this is one of the very extreamly few gems in current malaysian movies.. the acting was ok.. the cinema shoots was just beautiful.. the storyline was simple yet attached (i mean some would say that it looked like love actually ) but who cares it was an extra pinch more to being perfect.. i shall say i cried during the movie.. kudos!!!!!!!!!