Tuesday, January 20, 2009

i am really sorry..


I was just sitting at home trying to memorize my script for tonights shoot.. while taking bit of time off from such a "mind boggling" scene hahahahaha i decided to go on line and check my mail, do bit of surfing and find out what i have been missing for the couple of days while i have been busy and gone and then i stumble upon some info that really shrunk my heart.. i dont really know where to put this down so i decided for you to listen to me ramble again..

My friends would testify that i am one who believes and encourages people to chase after their dreams. i would be the one that would be encouraging in many many ways not letting harsh words kill other peoples hopes and desire..(ok ok aku tau kengkadang mulut baki zainal nie laser jugak but most of the time i will support k) because i for 1 believes in dreams, i for 1 have felt how it feels to let other people get to me and hurt me by saying that my dreams and goals is an impossible task... i for 1 knows that if you dream, want and put your heart and soul into something insyaallah with HIS blessing your dreams will come true..

but i forgot that few years back i have uttered mean words to a fellow human being and i have hurt her feelings by shattering her spirit and dreams.. was this act done out of spite? was this act done so that she would buckle up and prove me wrong? at this current moment i dont know and i do not want to fall for the easy escape of choosing the latter excuse so that i would feel better and the world would once again be a better place...

I remembered years back when i was still young, naive (hello sekarang masih muda mudi tapi dah pandai lar sikit). A car ride early in the morning to work might have changed my life.. "thanks ya.. hari nie would be the last day i kerja kat klcc sebab esok i nak kene register ITM."
"oh you apply course ape?"
"Mass comm"
"kenape mass comm?"
"sebab memang from last time i want to be infront of the camera ala ala Hong Jue Kee.. read the news in all 3 language"
"i bukan nak cakap apa lar kan but then baki have you seen the faces on TV.. and yelar not to say that your not good looking but then you dont look like any of them... takpayah lar mimpi"
sampai hari ini does words still rings in my ear.. i know i know i should forgive and forget and move on .. i have forgiven but i have yet to forget infact i tak tahular bilernya i could forget the pain and the tears that i was holding back all the way to work.. jalan duta toll to klcc early in the morning is a real long journey ok... that pain and that feeling is soo sure real.. dreams that i have always had since a kid all of the sudden trying to be flushed down by people who do not understand the desire and the fire that burns.. from that moment on i told myself that i would make it work and i shall let my PAPA be proud of me... and insyaallah and alhamdullillah i am on the path that i ahve been dreaming off.

but what strikes me now is the feeling of disbelief of how could i in return hurt some one else with similiar words infact harsher that stabbed me before.. how could i have done that...
now as i google i found that this person is on the path that she wants to be.. this person is on the way to leading her life how she wants to. I AM SORRY!! congratulations for all that you have done and i wish you all the luck towards becoming all that you want to become..

to people out there who i might have discourage, who i might have dampened your spirits .. Baki zainal secara ikhlasnya meminta ampun dan maaf.. if you want something badly and you believe that its yours.. NEVER!! NEVER!! let anyone come in between you and dampened your spirits you insyaallah you deserve it..

Sesungguhnya Baki sayang kamu...