alone

What would i do without this thing... the voice that i would never have... a place where i could just be myself and spill my hearts worth... so what if its not brain empowering ... screw that, the most important thing for me is that i can breath and i can paint this page with what and how i feel....
I know im sounding drama again... not something new to my friends ... but i do feel that i am loosing a part of myself again.... why is he so important to me? why?..... why cant i just ignore it and just let him float his way.... why? ... as i type my chest becomes so heavy.....
Why does it seem so hard to detach myself ... being truthful and telling him that.. gave him the power over me... for these years he was the brother that i never had... but now i guess all good things has to come to an end.... he no longer needs me... he has found a firmer ground to stand on with new people to hold his hands... why cant i see that... actually i see it clearly... very clear.. but why do i still bother... i am not needed on his cloud anymore... he might not even have space for me anymore..... i have found so many excusses for this .... but i guess i just cant let go and i dont want to let go... i love him dearly.... but letting go just seems the out most natural thing to do..... please help me thru this.... it hurts and im alone... the room is always full and yet i am alone....