man in the rain

its a cold, wet night... everything seems grim and grey........
i have a shoot with jac tomorrow for her latest MTV... but ironic part is that im not staring in it..infact i am doing the catering part of the production.... hahahaha can you believe that... so now the only thing that is not under my belt is editing... everything else i have done or am currently doing...humm... it kinda builds the character i guess and makes one appreciate the industry more and of course the people in the industry.... arghhhh results are suppose to come out tomorrow... my heart is skipping beats as we speak..... i really do want it... but usually in my case when it comes to the things that i really want... HE then test me and takes it away... i mean HE does grant me gifts here and there and i am ever so gratefull... but sometimes ... lets just say one can never be greedy.
being a loner has its ups and downs really... humm... never really saw myself in that light...i remembered someone actually called me the live of the party... then of course theres a little bird that once said that i sometimes can be overwhelming(i hope i spelled that right) hahahahaha.. never really got around in asking her to explain... hummm... well as certain things are meant to be just how it is and not to ponder upon... me not ponder... please... giving me too much credit there... hahahaha...
i cant stop to notice that i might sound like as if im currently residing in prozac nation... hahaha... by the rate that i am going , i might just consider buying a plot there... hahaha... oh well ... its dark, cold and wet(sounds like an old flame of mine).... im signing off... i guess i'll just have to soak it all in... nite princess

boy by the sea

i was looking up pictures on the net... and no i was not looking at porn... i should have been.. but i was looking for pic that told a story... as i was flipping thru.. since i have the day to myself today as i was not well and i didnt go for shoot.... i saw this picture of a young man sitting by the sea alone... and funny enough that is how i feel currently.. alone.. you know how at certain times you might be in a crowded room but for just that 1 second you feel alone... yeah i feel that now... maybe i am just over reacting...
im currently torn.... i cant really say im torn .... i have this major issue with myself for accepting a job that currently makes me cringe... i dont know if that is good or bad... but yeah it kinda makes me sick....and praying that i receive another offer if such comes along and i will sway.... but then would that make me a bad person?... my brother said to me that sometimes we have to be selfish in certain ways... and so i guess maybe this is my way... why am i counting my chicks before they hatch.... please show me what route should i take....
im off now... going to see hafiz.... nite

sin sin sin

i have not sleep for the past 3 days..... i have had to write for motor sport... something tht i have had no interest in previously.... if it was not because of a certain kindd soul tht i respect than i would definitely reject that project.... i know i shall sin but i really feel like having a beer and a ciggie currently... i can taste the suds now... kilkenny.... ok hold on boy... chill.... chill... you can past this .... its just a test mate.... chill.....i want to sleep.... my brain is tired but my body still moves.... ironic aint it..... hahahaha...... hummmmm..hummmmm..hummmm

ZzZZzzZZzz

i am at work and i am sleepy... sleepy at work... hahahahha... ive got a script to get done by tomorrow nite or shall i say tonite... well i guess this is the time i pray that my insomenia kicks in.. but now i am sleepy... hahahaha... my editor is currently on the x box trying to beat roddick but wait i think he has beaten roddick... looks like its work all up again for me this time yes it is... currently i am up for a hosting job at the same time ... its now down to me and another fellow that i know... and i have this feeling that i might not get this job... i want it but as someone once said to me i am yesterdays news...hahahahaha.. odd aint it for someone who has always been viewed as having extra confidence oozing out his nostrils i am currently not confident at all...
sounds like a down turn for me from now on or has it been a constant rejection that i am feeling this way... well soon enough we shall see the results or shall i say the outcome...
but i hold on to the principal what is mine shall be mine.. i have put my effort into trying to make it work my way.. and if it does than by gods will but if it turns out opposites than hey its not my time yet... like most things that happens in this world there should be a reason and there always is.. its just that do we see it or not .. or a matter of fact if we want to see or not...
allrite ... should get back to work and save you guys from more.. till next time.. nite all... just keep working.. working .. working

87

ok ok... i know this is gonna sound sick... i went and visited my fren gary's blog and i had this sudden urge and this sudden flash of what i want to do came into my mind..... i finally found what i want to play.. and i have decided that i would want to play a character with a dark secret .. who lives this double life... for examplae a church going father of two .. who inside would want to plunge his tongue down the neighbours son's throat.... someone with an alter ego that they try to confine and not let out to the world.......yes and i shall play them.....

88

i know.. i know its already 10.30pm and i have yet to start on my 2 letters and also the mediavest booklet.. hahahahaha... im just struck with a laziness that is just extreamly lazy.... urghhh try justifying that hahahaha.... i even managed to catch a 15 minute shut eye just now... well i did havea hectic day....
this past week or so i have seen so many people who has shown me how much they belived in me and see a capibility that i myself dont know exist... hahahaha... odd.. me, baki zainal not seeing my own potentials and things that i am capable of doing.... hummm unimaginable ... but its just like most things that happens to all of us where we are all at one point or the other uncertain of some a talent that we are granted and am at that constant search for it...hummm... mind games 101...
the picture aboe does not have anything to do with my entree today and also how i am feeling today... its just there for no reasons.... y do we need a reason for everything? nite all... time to start work.

fu-yoh!!

ok i know for certain and you guys know for certain that this picture below is not me and will never be me(unless of course i go and have those airbrush things done to me) but i have always treaded on a site where i would want to have maori tribal tattoo done..... no i am not maori.. with all due respect to them ... i have always been attracted to their culture and art. The savage beast as what the west calls them, but being malay and being maori has so many similiarities ..... hahaha you must be asking why in the first place am i actually writing this out ... i was just facinated with this picture.... hahahaha

closer

this how i feel tonite

du bi du bi du

i woke up at 3 today.... lingered in the shower... dragged my feet down for lunch....and now sitting infront of my little ibook trying to make sense of such a lazy sunday........... i am ultimately lazy today.... its a wet wet sunday......

weddings

me and the Noel girls at anne's wedding

my partner in crime(NOEL) Anne Yeow looking 1 in a million

Glen and Zazina(my niece)

My sister, niece(Zazina) and her dad

Shel and Clydes cam char touch up

ok this is my tribute the to the weddings of early 2007....

family potret

my princess

MTV awana

lazing

sharing a laugh with mak long

at the market bebs

pictures

SS Penang they are the bomb

parrot attack in a'famosa

princess yaya and the boats of kelantan

ainul you rock

the monkeys at the monkey open uni

hahahaha okay im gonna flood my blog with pictures now... so bare with me.. and enjoy.

lucid

Sometimes we can't stop but to feel empty inside... having tons to do and yet still lingering with a lost purpose... hahahaha... lingering with a lost purpose.... a term used too often too soon these days..
Sometimes i cant stand but to feel that i am fighting for a lost purpose... a purpose that is not made its standings firm...dont get me wrong... i believe and feel strongly for this fight but then because of the lucidness i cant make others see the same picture as i do...
Its similiar with alot of matters that some what influences our surroundings... be it religion, political issues, relationship.. how many times has it been that we put an extra bit more in the relationship and that person that we love just blindly without regret breaks our heart?...calling it off without even putting up a fight... even when we have tried to present and make them see what we see and hope that they believe in fighting for the same cause...call me old fashion...call me stupid... i believe that one should always fight for something that they truly believe in and want make happen...easy said than done... the countless moments that i just breakdown and not want to see the reasonings anymore... ahahhahaha....
sorry to put you guys thru this random thoughts that i have .....i guess i just have to weight the importance and keeping on with the struggle and hope and pray that one fine day it would finally pay off....

i have the sudden urge

i have the sudden urge to write.... its been a really long time since i last blogged... i dont really know why it was really hard for me to blog.. its not like i didnt have the time for it. i kinda did have time.. maybe it was just that i didnt have the urge to do so.. what am i talking about...
well for the past week or so many things have happened..... i am now on the verge of being broke again... hahahaha... how money flows and the best part i didnt see it go out. it just went...
my bro having a GF and having problems with the GF humm... it was really odd when i saw the girl and getting to know her... she reminded me as how i was at a younger age.. not that i am claiming that i am old...huhuhuhuh...
many sales and fairs to attend.....
i really cant focus.. thats the bad thing now... theres many changes that needs to be done in my life.. some major some not... sacrifices that needs to take place and actions that needs to be taken... i cant go on living like this... tanpa keberkatan apa itu kehidupan?... i need to be strong and fight the urges that comes along... sometimes i feel that life is a joke... but then when i come to think about it, its not a joke but i make it a stupid joke... i have to stop doing that and live up to it................please help.... im asking you.... please

Slowly

its been a while since i last wrote in this blog... its not like i have been extreamly busy i mean i have been busy all this while but then i still had the time to write... but then this time around i really dont have the feelings to write... hummm i dont really know why....
lets just see what have i been up to recently? not much really besides getting to go london at the end of the year, umm helping out the ensemble on their production and attending some auditions here and there... nothing much else...
really i feel bit empty and boring not much emotions currently running thru me... i have an auditions to attend to tomorrow and i really hope that i get the job... please god please.... then lets just say that many things could be solved... but then i dont look like VJ material... i mean they definitely am looking for some model looking people.. yup... but hey yeah i just hope the industry would give me a try... please.... anyways we shall just see...
aite people am going to bed now nite...