Monday, June 22, 2009

Abang Saya....

well its been sometime again since i last blogged and so i decided that on what ever conditions i shall blog tonight and share with you guys what i have been thinking.. insyaallah.. well where do i start ya ohh before that i want to congratulate my kor kor Alan Thoo and his beautiful wife Cheryl for their latest addition to the Thoo family which is my Kai Chai. Vee Shaun. Alan and cheryl im sure you guys are gonna make really good parents and i shall join in the fun of spoiling Vee..

frm left: Baki Zainal standing next to his brother "apek rambutan" and his family.

Ok, humm its never been made clear of how many actual siblings does Baki Zainal have. well guys i shall slowly answer that question soon and reveal it slowly.. just for the record i have a huge family hahahaha and to some it might just be tad bit over whelming.. and i am proud of it.
till today i could still recall the vivid memory of being introduced to a fairly tall chinese looking gentleman bearing 'Rambutans" to the house one day and innocently i called out for my papa telling him that "ada apek datang jual rambutan' when then i realised after being introduced the said gentleman is my fathers eldest son from a previous marriage... and from that day on wards i had a much much older brother that i knew as Abang Paul. our age gap was just too far apart He should be 30 odd years different than me.. his youngest son is of the same age as me. ahahaha.. growing up i never really clicked with my brother i guess being that papa only has 2 sons i guess maybe because of the vast age gap it never really dawned to me at that time to get to know him better and bond.. honestly i have always treated him as another older person that i would then have to listen to and eventually respect.. of course i knew and i honor the fact that he is family but at the same time i seldom get to spend long period of time with Abg Paul.. we would only meet and greet during Syawal and then another year passes.. it was much of a different scenario with my other sisters who are also papa's off springs frm his marriage to "Big Ma".
i felt my sisters love and care and i really knew them i guess but then with "Abg Paul its a different ball game maybe its just we are men thus we dont really wear our emotions on our selves issue and matter.. subhanallah..
now at the age of 28 i realize and i regret the time i missed out in getting to know this person who shares the same genes and seeds as i do.. one way or the other i see our fathers trades in both of us.. Zainol's sons hahahahahaha i missed my brother.. the school teacher that many respected and feared . the father of 4 who has brought up caring and respecting sons and daughter , the man who fishes to clear his mind off daily turmoils who now likes getting his hands soiled with the earth and dirt that he calls his garden.. recently my nephew who is my age got married and Abg Paul called upon me to be there representing our side of the family since most of the girls are in australia and new zealand.. at first i cringed with the idea of having to face relatives that would not let me off until i invite them over for Nasi Beryani at my wedding.. but a little voice inside me kept telling me that another part of you needs you there and papa would be ever so proud to see his 2 sons standing there together as a remembrance to the world out there that Zainol has 2 sons that he is proud off.. last 16th of june was my papa's death anniversary.. and prior to the wedding my Abang hosted a Tahlil at his house and one of the desserts for the night is my papa's favourite dish "bubur kacang hijau with durian'. my abang insisted that his wife adds the durian into the bubur kacang as that was how our papa would have enjoyed it. . growing up i never really favored bubur kacang hijau.. but after not tasting it for so long that first spoon into my mouth tasted comfortable (i can't really find the actually word to describe that feeling and sensation) it just felt right.. and i never knew i liked it too. those few short moments chatting with my Abang seemed so natural even so we have not seen each other for very long time.. and standing there as he introduced me to the guest and people around him as his little brother i cant help but to feel warm and a sense of belonging.. papa has always taught me to honor family and just by being there on that day i felt as if there was so much of my brothers life that i have missed out on.. may be he feels the same way too..
my brother now lives 40 minutes away from me.. and i vow that i would try to get to know him and make up for the time that we have missed out from each others lives.. precious moments that might not be able to repeat its self .. but i am yet ready to miss out on more of my brothers life.. papa would be ever so proud to see his 2 sons standing handsomely side by side that day knowing in that silence that they were one way or the other bonding as family, as brothers as how they did that winters day not long ago while they tried to catch a glimpse and catch a memory of that 1 man who connects them, that 1 man that they both loved, respected and looked up too, that 1 man who both of them knows they will never be able to match his stride . that 1 man who both of them calls papa.
i have an elder brother and his name is Paul Abdul Rahman Zainol. he is 63 years old and i am proud to call him Abang. ... Insyallah..

I dedicate this entry to all Fathers out there Baki Zainal salutes you and wishes you Happy Fathers Day!!

Al-fatehah buat Papa ku tersayang Zainal Bin Abu Taib. Semoga Allah Mencucuri Rahmat Keatas rohnya.

I Love you papa............

1 comment:

HajjahSalina said...

Wow, great for you to suddenly realise you hv an extra sibling. Since young, I also wished some hidden sibling will appear for me but it will take a miracle for that to happen. Do you hv some mixed blood in yr family? Yr apek brother looks really like a chinese, I suppose that's how you can speak mandarin.