its hard ....

well well well some habits are hard to kill really... this week has been full of bad habits being it material or emotional.... and i know that i would need to kill off some of them but why am i soo stubborn ... why do i not listen to my innerself? why is it that i would need to wait till i fall flat on my face? arghhh baki your soo stupid.....
i know i am not suppouse to believe in ju ju but heck i do and i know most of these bad habits brings bad juju... and for the past week or so i have been surrounded with bad juju... but i guess i am lucky in some sence that i have soo many lovely people to get me up and bring me fourth ... i am blessed in many matters and i have HIM to thank.... .... HE has been there for me... i kinda feel HIS help but i have to start helping myself in many ways and i have to stop sitting on my ass and DO SOMETHING bout it

empty

i have soo much to say and but i cant find the words to say it......

The Journey

berlari ke langit
ah tuck and me

the journey took me to many places... many different emotions felt... many different people meet.... it is one experience that i will one day look back at and say i never regreted a single moment of it... im half way thru the journey ... i have few more places to go .... and with GODs will... it would be a great one too.

21 jalan pinang

ah tuck n me infront of garage
too much to drink guys
kang kang n me on the streets of penang

hahahaha penang trip has been really hectic not much time wasted as there was really an amazing turn out for the auditions..... but that did not stop me from still going out for a night cap.... it was arrons birthday and this chinese dud just turned 21 that nite and he is still a virgin... jeng jeng jegn so guess who was given the honour to change him to a man at least a drunkard.... no other than baki zainal.... hahahahaha

i hate to pack

why why do i have to pack.... i hate packing i really do.. eventhou its just a 3 days thing in penan g but then i still have to pack for it and i never can pack lite.... how to be on globe trecker like that aduhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............ still have to pack wish me luck see you guys in penang...

happy happy people

dont ask me why i picked this picture... i am not hyped like any of them currently... i am not sad but i am just not hyped ... infact currently i am trying to bore myself to sleep... yes i am just too tired from the power pack week that i had last week and also the whole idea that i am off again to penang very soon... but heck im enjoying it really...
the picture seems to have such an irritating effect... everyone is just soo happy.. but looking at this picture i cant help but to remember my lovely and wonderful crew... they are brilliant, wonderful and sweet people... i have nothing bad to say bout them really... and i cant imagine anyone having anything bad to say bout them at all really...
ok im gonna try what the others have been doing on their blogs by giving people names just by calling them with the first innitials in their name.. ok here goes, i meet J today for lunch then J told me that H, F and F were bitching bout J ... ok i dont know how to do this.... i must get lessons from sums and fara.. they seem to be experts in this matter.... ohhh my....
im starting to get sleepy so i guess thats a possitive sign... soon i shall fall asleep ... i have an early day tomorrow ... meeting up with aziz m.osman's productions tomorrow... aite babes wish me luck....

ipoh-ipoh

Ok ... i know i know this sounds like a sin ... i should not be falling in love with ipoh ... but currently i cant help it ..... i mean i am not going all yaya about it bout some where there i liked it ... i guess its the crowd and of course the people that i meet, the places that i chilled at and the new experience that i gained ... well the spa was one not to forget hahahaha .... thank god the guys were there with me ... it was like something that came out from a bad 80's hongkie gangster flick ... ahahahahaha as ah tuck said all we need now are tatoo's hahahahaha .... the feeling of being there was just weird .... it was "clean" fun but with a hummm naughty pinch to it...
drinking buddies made and found ..... richard with his teh tarik and PS with her chocolate blended ...... ohh ohh going to do a bit of sales pitch here... situated somewhere in Greentown Ipoh, theres this nice little place called 'Shayo De Vin'.... it is stocked with a wide exstensive range of beers, liquor, spirit and wines.... according to some very realible source it is so much cheaper than KL( of course it is everywhere is... opppsssss i tell a lie. Johore) the music that they play there is just right... from the 60's to the 80's hahahahaha... we hanged there 2 nites in a row... it felt really good having friends around chatting away while sipping on port... hahahahhaha ok thats enough descriptions hahahahaha...
well alls well that end well.... ipoh was just great ... making a pit stop at home..
nite babes

ipoh

up in bed in the midst of ipoh... recalling all that is done within this past week... humm its remarkable really... i have always felt that this is the life that i would want to lead and no doubt about it really... it is the life that i want to lead... but sometimes i wonder if im cut for it...
an industry where the physical being means more than interlect or even heart... sometimes when reality bites and knowing that you ae somehow not good enough one way or the other is a sad manner.... but i would just have to be strong and go on........
the subject of being A-list kept coming up... i know i am never A-list... infact i dont really care if i am or not.... i just want to survive and that means most.....
hahahahaha come to think of it i am staying in this famous chicken hotel in ipoh and they have wifi.... fuyoooh

alone

What would i do without this thing... the voice that i would never have... a place where i could just be myself and spill my hearts worth... so what if its not brain empowering ... screw that, the most important thing for me is that i can breath and i can paint this page with what and how i feel....
I know im sounding drama again... not something new to my friends ... but i do feel that i am loosing a part of myself again.... why is he so important to me? why?..... why cant i just ignore it and just let him float his way.... why? ... as i type my chest becomes so heavy.....
Why does it seem so hard to detach myself ... being truthful and telling him that.. gave him the power over me... for these years he was the brother that i never had... but now i guess all good things has to come to an end.... he no longer needs me... he has found a firmer ground to stand on with new people to hold his hands... why cant i see that... actually i see it clearly... very clear.. but why do i still bother... i am not needed on his cloud anymore... he might not even have space for me anymore..... i have found so many excusses for this .... but i guess i just cant let go and i dont want to let go... i love him dearly.... but letting go just seems the out most natural thing to do..... please help me thru this.... it hurts and im alone... the room is always full and yet i am alone....

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i really dont know what to write really... but the guilt in me for not scribling my tick a tack is just eating up inside... i would just have to say that i am blessed and i am enjoying what He has layed out for me.... He who knows me well...
but sometimes and most recent the fear of loosing it all when it is just in you grasp sends shivers down my spine as the pain of being down and being lost is just unbearable.... but i shall take it in my stride...
many things have happened for the past month or so... new developments some pleasant some not, mutual understanding reached, friends made and lost just confims this existence... hahahaha trying to hard to sound clever are we... anyways going off now... promise to come back on and scribble more to details