san benito

i feel soo liberated and amaze with myself... last nite in laundry with the ever wonderful sums, her toy boy nic, red cherry tomato farah, christina garylera and coffee maker haris.. i ordered a bottle of mineral water but hey its not any normal mineral water its san benito sparkling with a piece of lemon.. it taste like bombay saphere without the zing.... hahahahahaha.... it was funny man.. but heck its kinda liberating to be able to do such thing....
the other thing that i found funny was that i left the place at 11.45am. yes i did... it was kinda weird in the first place but then again it reminds me that i am getting old as i cant stay out that long anymore.. feel soo tua.. hahahahahaha at least people got curfew ada reason to go home and the reason sounds valid and life threatening but in my case its me who could not stand all this hussle and bussle of the place.. aiyohhh i sound soo old..
oh ya with the factor that it is ramadan thus yelar kenelar respect kan... anyways selamat berbuka people and catch ya later.

some people say i think too much..do i?

its the 5th day of fasting today yeah... i survived..what am i going about like as if last time i dont fast..the thing that i enjoy most about fasting is during the breaking of the fast.. and no its not just because of the food and the idea of filling my tummy with all the great yummy dishes that mummy and mak long prepare.. its the idea of being there with my family all seated at the same table getting ready to share and enjoy the wonderful dishes that has been prepared by my ma and aunt(god bless their sweet souls) that moment just being at that table is something that i look forward for every year... and this year by the way things are going looks like i wont be able to get to do that often as i have soo many berbuka puasa events to attend to.. nikko hotel, PNB, Tamarind hill and a whole lot more. the list just goes on and on... i dont look forward at all to breaking fast outside..but i do know some people who just cant wait to hit the buffet decks everytime ramadan comes along..maybe its just their lifestyle.. maybe i dont know i just dont see the logics behind it.
its now 12.42pm and i am counting down to going home time.. i just cant wait... i wonder whats cooking at home today.. im driving wai's car as he is in singapore attending auditions..i wish that brother luck.. he deserves something with the rate that he is going.. and the determination that he has.. hey hey that is impressive man.. people been giving me the dirty look and the smirk whenever they ask me why do i have wai's car.. i just dont understand..2 chicks can be the closest buds but when i comes to guys then its considered taboo...christ... what is this world getting to. aite.. tagging off now till we meet again in ramadan.. al fateha..

its friday hurray

i had the most unproductive, productive day of the week.. i caught the movie banquet last nite and it was disturbingly beautiful for a chinese movie(im being racist arent i) the whole works was just sooo pretty and i caught it alone.. yes as liberating as it sounds i lead a sad life going to the cinema alone hummm.......well its friday and i cant wait for it to be over with and i can get back to my family and life... and i was glad that this week i faced two of my fears and at the end of it. it is not that scary and i could say now that i am definite with the choices that i made...ok have to find someone to go lunch with me today hummmm who ya...

Time out

I had a great time... I guess it is not the venue.. But definitely the company that you are in.. It was very liberating in many ways than one.. It was a test of patience in many ways than one ... It was enjoyment in many ways than one... It was bonding in many ways than one.. I love these people.. Maybe so I am heartless .. But she caught me.. She caught me strong.. im loosing it.. N I know it aint the alcohol doing the talking.... TO BALLS LONG MAY THEY WAVE......

After math of The Shape of Things....

well its coming to a week since The Shape of Things was staged in pentas2 KLpac and now i finally had the time to digest the play... ironic aint it.. rehersals 2 months and then baru nak digest.. hey it aint too late.. i dont know why but i have a feeling that i am similiar to Phillip in 1 way or the other( oh for you who did not catch this interesting play phillip is a character in the play).. its kinda funny how i could relate to him or he relating to me as a human being. yeah, phil is actually a real nice guy.. infact he is a pretty decent bloke if you ask me.. ok there are times that he looses his top but hey tell me which red blooded male would not do that?.. the fact that he cares for Adam and looks out for him and even after being steped and walked all over on by that prick he stills try to salvage a bond that he does not want to loose.. i kinda find some similiarity with tht.. i dont know if tht is good or not but yes tht is how i am and i function.
one thing tht really stood out to me is tht the way things turn out for phil, it might just be me but i kinda have this inkling in me that i might just tread in his footsteps.. how he lost jenny and adam and ends up alone.. heck sometimes i feel that i might just already be on tht journey... i dont hope or wish for it to happen but i cant stop thinking and feeling it is happening... the bond tht i onced had with certain people is slowly growing thinner, the sincerity slowly fading, the trust nearing an end. it is sad to see this or even saying it but hey at least i am facing it.. maybe all of us are growing in different directions, maybe we finally realized tht we dont actually need these people to exist and tht with the new life tht we are leading now we will do just fine without them. but wouldnt tht mean tht wht we have done before is called using them... wouldnt tht make us worst than being shallow.i dont know and i dont know if one day i would be able to face it when i actually find the answer to this riddle.. the hopeless romantic in me is praying hard that it would not come true... but indeed if it is nearing the end.. i would have to say i have no regrets and i enjoyed every moment of it and if soo it goes on i pray that i get to spend another 1000 years to go thru what i have gone thru..... cheersssssss my friendssssssssss........................God bless...

i missing it already

hahahaha.. last nite after the end of the show and when the tech fellas were taking the whole set down. i somewhat had this sad feeling in me.. where i feel a doubt in me that could i actually survive the next 1 year or so without the lights shinning down on me.. the countless rehersals.. something that i am used to just ended yesterday.. no ended is not the right term to use as i am not ending anything yet what i am doing is just to put it on hold.. could i take that hold for the time being or would i break down.. last nite was a confirmation for me that the stage is my playground.. but then the reality of life itself would not permit me to linger to long on the see saw and swings...it is a harsh reality but then it is a reality that i would have to live with. but one thing that came out of the whole show is that sooths my heart is that i can be sure that the stage is left in good hands and i hope with the combination that we have now my playground will one day flourish and that more children like me would be able to play there at the same in peace. insyallah.......

it is really cold

yes.. im on my blog again.. i dont know y actually as i kinda have other things to do but i just cant think.. maybe its because that its too cold and that my brains have just frozen over. yeah.. that is valid.. humm an hour more till going home time.. im fasting today.. odd aint it i mean like within 2 weeks more all of us are going to start fasting for a whole month soo why put myself into the pain of fasting. but to be honest and no i am not bragging but i dont feel the pain at all. i guess its like the whole mind over matters affair. yeah thats about rite.. and maybe at the same time its the whole "niat" or "intentions"... and of course at the same time my claims have not come out yet. yeah... this is the trouble in working in a big coperation where there is like so many signatures needs to get and so many departments for it to go thru 1st and finally there would be a certain day that they would release the claim.. itu pun bukan semua...like the old company that i worked with you knew who and what is needed and you go straight to the finance part and squeeze them for it or else you tell them that they would have to buy you lunch as you dont have money to spend for lunch and since all of them are frens with you and they would definitely wont want to pay for your lunch they would definitely speed the process if they could do so. but then here hey hard cheese.... just called ma and she told me the menu for dinner tonite.. now im starting to think of the meal that i shall be having later.. sardine..vege..omelete and rice..yummmm some of you might just be rolling your eyes hearing the menu that i would be enjoying later as hey its normal simple food.. and yes i love the normal simple food.. and the feeling when you have the simple food.. wow.. its kinda mind blowing at the same time its like this feel good, warm, fuzzy feeling inside. it feels like home..it feels like "love". .. i mean day in day out you can get to feast on better more complicated dishes but then these dishes would no longer be special in a way.. the other thing is that everytime i am away for a long time from my ma.. i crave for these dishes like sardine, ikan bilis goreng kicap, daging goreng petai etc. the more simple dishes that i feel only mothers do them well.. and when mak long or andak cooks these dishes i kinda miss my mother more.. what am i yakking about... maybe what i am trying to say is that sometimes we kinda dont look at the smaller things in life the simpler things in life.. things that we usually take for granted. we only look at the whole picture on a macro scale and not on a micro scale as sometimes we tend to forget the small gestures or things that might just make life easier or more pleasant to go thru.. like helping a fren, the unexpected phone call or text.. the touch.. the smile.. the laughter... those moments can never be bought or trade. those moments shared between frens and family....it gives you the same warm, fuzzy feeling.

i need a coffee and fag now

it is 11am in the morning of the friday after merdeka day celebrations.. and i am sitting in my semi opened cubicle on the 3rd floor of a television broadcasting company.. starering into the oblivion of my pc while freezing my fingers as the air-conditioning for this place is of the atlantic.
and i am doing nothing hummmm hold on that does not seem rite i am suppose to be busy but there is nothing much to do today infact i think i could count how many personnels are here today on just one hand..yes i can actually count, eventhou i am malay...
i am now falling asleep i need a coffee and fag.. yes i have not stop smoking completely.. i want to but its just that currently its a bit hard to do when you are under such stress.. hummm that does not sound rite too actually. you might be saying that how could you have stress when you are staring into the oblivion of your pc.. but then its not always like this its like one of the few days that i actually dont have anything to do.. y?
i cant wait for it to clock 6pm today so that i could just bugger off to rehersals.. but that is like half a day more to go.. you know what io think i shall just take a long lunch today for the sake of taking lunch not that i am hungry or anything it is just that i know i would go insane soon if i stay in here longger today.. but heck with me being bored i get to update my blog..yeah i can actually write eventhou it is not award winning writing or even in the correct manner and grammar..nhahahahaha but heck yeah... at least i update my blog.. ohh ya my phone has been stolen soo currently i am as good as tom hanks and his volley ball fren on the desserted small island cant contact anyone or cant even be contactable by loved ones and family members(what am i crapping bout)so yeah do email my your phone numbers and i shall contact you with my latest number as i dont really memorize the number that i am using currently. yeah me and numbers dont actually go together ....
yyyyyy..... didnt i just take an MC or even EL for today and just sleep in and like laze at home like i did yesterday.. called beavis for lunch and the dingbat declined dont want to fren him...
alriteios i shall now sneak out of the office and go for a fag before my boss calls upon me and give me work.
adios..