Friday, September 21, 2007

odd feel

ok i dont know why am i feeling this way or like why even so am i doing this... today i got some bad news bot some stuff relating to celebriteens.. now i know i should not be fazed about it but yeah it kinda got me into thinking if that moment is actually arriving and if that its means that i used up my time... humm ok that sounds odd and confusing.. anyways recently it has kinda sorta been a slow month for me.. yes i know both geetha and diana are doing their exstream level best to get me out there... ohh by the way im now officially a celebrity fitness member thanks to Geet hurray and i have been going to the gym like every single day coz i no longer want to give people out there a chance to hurt myself esteem... hazlin pointed out my self worth i and i am not going to compromise on that matter anymore... but i still cant help yet to feel insecure at certain times... climbing these stairs alone is hard and lonely and yeah i mean i have not been completely out of job yet.. but the thing is that i dont really feel the safety net being there and i dont like this empty feeling of being on the edge of danger... i know i know it does not help yet to feel insecure... jesus i think i just needed to bitch i guess... there are certain habits that i have to quit and i am sure that i have to do that soon... arghhh i hate myself for not being strong... he gave me this chance and why the fuck am i fucking it up.... i have to be strong... i have too.. today will be my last draw.. yes i cant keep saying it and not doing it.. today shall be my last draw..i need to make this ramadan meaningful.... please help me today shall be my last draw...

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