escape

hahahaha this is pictures of me and muses during our out most recent escaped... my brother has declared this year as cuti-cuti malaysia year for our family soooooo .... looks like will be seeing more of the islands and beaches for me this year.... ahh heaven.

Zara

i am fighting this....

this is really harder than i think i would have been...... im running out of sanity...... it never kinda like dawn to me that i would have to go thru this......... i'm standing alone........... all of the sudden it feels as if im trapped on this extreamly small island with just sea around me.......... i can see smoke from nearby vessels but then it seems so difficult for me to reach out and swim across..... sometimes the blue of the waves seems so calm.....i wonder how it feels to submerge in it and just let the calmness and the silence of it rock me to sleep...................the feeling of just sleeping and not having to worry that you would have to wake up again......it seems so calm...so calm....

my feelings

I Cant Make You Love Me..

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

i guess i 'll just have to try

last nite.. it was very sweet of joy to have invited me over to her house for a little dinner do, thanks joy.... later in the evening i received some some news that did hurt me in some ways... something that i would never have thot would happend but i guess now it is happening and it is out of my control to stop it from happening...the only wise thing to do now is to just let it happen and stand aside and watch... i dont know if i could be strong enough to watch but i gave my word and i would have to... i need moral support... but i guess this time i have to face this one alone.

Saved by the bell

hurray... i did not miss my nieces wedding!!!! i am soo happy!!
i still managed to get a hold of my sister 3 hours before the wedding..
i do hope that zazina had a good wedding....
i know she must have looked stunning...
congrates darling... will post pictures of her wedding once i received it ya...
oh ya for everyone out there GONG SI FA CHAI... may the hog brings along with it plenty of prosperity, wealth and happiness for everyone!!!

stupid is just not the word

what has become of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOW COULD I FORGET ME OWN NIECES WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its like now everyone is gonna like hate me.... becoz i forgot...... i mean i am like really busy but thats not the point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you dont forget this type of stuff.....
how can you forget your nieces wedding in melbourne?
how is that possible baki how?
ohhh im soo angry with myself , im not gonna talk to myself...

.....

ok you know what i am not going to try and act smart and write on about life and its whole mistery coz currently my brains are dead and i am sure nothing smart nor interesting would come out of it. trust me.
just now i attended a PC for teman and it was really odd seeing this program that is half your baby and how now its growing and that all you could do is just stand back and smile and look at it grow without wanting to be there in the limelight being recognize for it... hummmm... is that not interesting or what... i wish those 2 girls all the best and hope that with this program it jump starts their career....
i guess the saying is right you have to wait for that moment... if that moment is yours then even how far they go you would still be able to catch it. but so if its not yours then heck eventhou its smack in your face you would not recognize it... i dont knw what im typing about..
ohh ya... i made it thru valentines with no scare this time... hurray for me!!!!! i kinda like knew that i would recover but this time around it was extra fast and the best part about it is that i dont need to go on and sulk... i just brave thru it...i guess thats what you have got to do to survive the whole feeling of not having that someone next to you... humm come to think about it, it was kinda funny the way that i was sure that this time around i found someone to share my feelings with someone who could wake that person in me again.. what was i thinking come on.... on a 19 year old... huhhh i dont think she even knew what she wanted in the first place... i dont blame her i sorta didnt know what i want when i was 19 infact i still dont know what i want but i dont go around breaking hearts(or did i)... but i wasnt being a good BF too... i understand at her age being in a relationship is like one of those hallmark moments where its all flowery and you get to see each other every single moment but then thats not the case for me in this relationship...why am i calling it a relationship in the first place it isnt a relationship( a relationship is when 2 people who get together and makes and effort and fight for being together... something we were lacking or shall i say i was lacking i guess.) the silly part of it all was this feeling in me that hoped and wanted to make it work...what was i thinking...hahahaha i never think thats the problem i guess... i somewhat knew that she really wanted out but then that silly part of me was trying to blind my logic and shelter me from the rejection( how can it be rejection she asked, i agreed, she wants out, i agreed) ....ohhh well there was not much for me to say when the answer that came was just plain hard facts that i know i could not bend..

special one

ok... this one is a special picture that you guys would sure not get hold from anywhere else.. its of far and me in battle of a bottle of bubbly (in regards that she does not drink) i couldnt resist but to put it on ....

My Valentines Post

ok.. its valentines day ... and soo?... hahahaha... sounding sour arent i... infact i am current listening to Bonnie Raits "i cant make you love me"... its always this feeling this time of the year... i mean yeah i swear that i would not be affected by i do.. when its time to be alone and all... ahahahahahaha... ohh stuff that.. cant really be bothered...
anyways i finally got a hold of some of shels wedding pictures from wai yee... thanks jap lady...yeah it was a sweet and fun event.. i enjoyed myself very much.. ok guys here you go

its valentines day again

.................................................

more more pictures

sorry to bore you guys with more pictures from the holiday...
1. langkawi river cruise.. eagle feeding session with langkawi coral.. Ed was just great
2.terengganu lunch... with bell doing a tourism ad..
3.jihan the bomb.... yummy laksa with cendol durian in jonker walk melaka.. yum yum
4. the aryani with mai... ala la busuk

ok all i shall try to stop uploading holiday pictures k.

awana n my muse

okay i know that the pictures are showing my tummy and its not a pretty sight but then its pictures of me and my muse in awana at the end of the monsoon playing with the waves... i love those boys...they are like my own...it was very relaxing

pictures

these are just some of the pics that was taken during the shoot... more would be uploaded soon i hope once i get everything sorted out as current i am still all over the place. hahahaha
introducing the 3 cun chics in the pics are Bell, Jihan, Mimie.. ok you guys go figure which is which....

i need time

january this year shall go down in history.... the weirdest and most amazing things happened to me this month... i traveled around peninsular malaysia twice... i love the beach and the sea it is soo calm... the breeze and the waves... i didnt want to leave i shall be back i promise...soon...hahahahaha... now i understand sasha...i need to find more time... im enjoying whatever i am doing... but i need time for my family and frens... ok family i am squeezing it in but the frens department is not happening... im really sorry guys... you guys know who you are... again i am sorry... this job is just taking soo much from me but hey i promise that i will try to like be bit more contactable....
i am now ready for more work after the short break that i took to rekindle my relationship with my family... hahahahaha... humm how am i going to do this ready for more work but at the same time wanting to squeez more time for frens and family? hummm i have to think bout that again. i'll figure something out.. i usually do... i need to go get an image revamp....soon.. i hope...
allrite... today is sunday... tomorrow is monday... the changes will slowly kick in tomorrow... you bet!!!!!