Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy new year

i feel so numb now... the sadness stays with me ... but rather than feeling utterly sad i feel numb...
i dont know if that is normal or not.... i amaze myself how i could put a mask on and enjoy the nite with my frens....
i enjoyed their company but at the end of it i feel lonely...
my career is just on its starting point...
i now am in a relationship...
but i still cant stand to live with myself...to know that i am some what or rather lonely...
i just wish that i could take something to make this feeling i have go away...
constantly living in this happy land of fraud is not working for me...
its not others to blame...i choose upon myself to put the mask on...
i choose the emotions on the mask...
when would i be comfortable to let this person that i am be seen...
when would this person inside be allowed to come out and show the world who he really is...
he is not strong...
he is full of faults...
he is full of flaws...
he looks tall and strong standing there alone but in actual fact he is not...
he is just a normal human being....
who is afraid to get hurt...
come on wake up...
but what if waking up is not a wise and pleasant choice?
what if waking up means hurting more...
sometimes it is just inviting the idea of sleeping and never having to wake up...
constantly in peace...
looks like its not a good start...
the little white candy is smiling back at me...
i might just ask for its help...
and it might just agree...
happy new year to me.

3 comments:

Sums said...

Who's the lucky girl la?! *lol* Here's to a brand new year babes... new memories, no experiences n a whole new newness! Take care of urself n I hope u have a great time jet setting around Malaysia (careful of the jellyfish in Langkawi btw) :-)

sha said...

i have one cure for you...get your ass here in hawaii!!!!! i dont care how when or what...U MUST COME! i'll talk to you once everything is sorted out

The Criseas Raven said...

Reflection- Christina A

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part

Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

------------------

Happy New Years Baks....