effective memory

last night i had a mid nite shoot.. giler mata aku macam panda.. baru jer ingat nak cantik menarik tetarik ... the shoot brought out alot of me last night.. i didnt like myself last night.. it was a very intense scene between 2 friends.. yang tak logicnya aku terbawak bawak watak aku kedalam dunia aku sendiri.. susah wei.. semakin hari aku dalami watak aku semakin hari aku sayang kat ko-actor aku... yep, its not the sort of cinta aku nak mati kalau tak jumpa punya sayang.. its more of kecik-kecik dulu kite main guli, curi ice-cream kat kedai pak mat, kat university aku kasi ko cinta ngn awek yang aku memang suka tapi takpe, dah besar aku nak anak aku kawen ngan anak ko.. and that ccould not and surely must not happen as man i only know this fella like what 3 weeks.. hahahaha.. aduh tular dulu chris jacob ajar aku ponteng... i need to learn how to close this window.. as an actor i must tune out...aduhhh parah macam nie... nanti dapat watak kaki rogol susah tiap tiap hari nanti nak main jer keje..
after being triggered by the writer and director last night the new years eve incident 4 years ago seemed fresh and real and im still struggling to turn off.. please i need focus.. i need closure .

stinky bum

aiyoohhhh... wah giler penat... 5 days in kuantan really is taxing.. joshua tape's shoot is coming to an end very soon.. we have 1 week more to finish.. im enjoying it really.. the cast, crew and most importantly the friends i've made on this shoot. i'm even sad that i might just miss josh even so how clingy he is hahahaha..
semua yang berlaku secara langsung atau tidak has a cause and effect and ironic giler sebab setiap yang berlaku pada i sekarang bagai mencerminkan perasaan i pada sesuatu masa itu(cewahh berbahasa kite ye hahahaha)
ok before i get out of hand on the whole bahasa and all i wanna send a shout out to everyone that has made this trip a good one specially people of kuantan..
oh ya, before i forget i dedicate this entry to my little "stinky". he is the most considered, gentle and yet cunning at the same time, well well well i see where that rubbed off.. i was slumped in the room and he came in hugging me and told me how he missed me.. ohhh and i made him cry by sending him to sleep with his mom uhhh i love my kids i really do... i love you stinky bum!!

papa's house

this entry is a special entry for me and might just be the last entry that i write about ssomething very close to my heart and something from my past.. my papa's house..
i still remembered when papa wanted that house as he wanted us to have a bigger piece of lawn (which knowing papa later was fenced up for security reason.. believe me i grew up in fort knox ok so really if you think that you grew up in a prison please think twice hahahahaha but it was no prison to me.. i felt safe in papa's house..) the memories that i had in that house.. until today i could still remember my father would sit on his favorite chair every day at noon waiting for his son to come home from school as he knows precisely what time i would be walking into the front gate... as i walk thru he would then ask how had my day been, after answering him he would then usher me off to have lunch and rest..
how about the times where my papa would be watering his plants, he loved his plants specially his orchids.. his prized possessions... or when he was really crossed with me for taking his money to spend at the school canteen day without asking his permission... those were happy days spent in papa's house then of course came the days where mama and i mourned at papa's death in those dark hours spent in that house..
those moments i can never relate to anyone else as its mine to keep even so now i have decided to let my fathers house go.. it is now on the market as i am selling it off... the condition of it torn, worn out, crumbling into pieces that i have never imagined possible.. my papa's house.. once stood tall and yet now crumbling.... i do not have the heart to do so but at the same time i have not the will to continue...
i am letting go of papa's house.. it does not mean that i am letting go of my papa's memories.. he knows what i am going thru and i know that he stands next to me in this decision.. i lovee you pa....

i know im such a victim

do i need to say much... www.kiehls.com
muah muah muah fantastic!!
mataku sekarang bertambah energized
www.roots.com



I am such a victim I know that, but this time around dengan suka relanya I become a victim hahahahaha… kenape? Hah this is why, I have just been introduced to the wonderful world of Kiehl’s… yes you heard it right my friends..
The story goes like this, I was home and last minute the movie read got cancelled cause the director and the script writer busy with the shoot for another film.. oh ya didn’t tell you guys but I got the role in the movie.. alhamdullilah.. and we start shoot soon. I will not reveal the name yet sooo tungguuuuuuu…
Ok back to Kiehl’s, kak anja and I decided to lepak kl since dah bosan ngn OU and Gardens (actually tak lar sangat how can you get bored of this 2 places) well I needed to fetch my birthday gift from Lot10, after Lot10 and finding Jim Thompson in Starhill(nasib baik I did not buy gifts for the family from jim Thompson Bangkok ok kalau tak menyesal sebab kl lagi murah dan menarik, alisya dapat sundress yang I nak belikan dia kat Bangkok for half the price) we ended up in Pavillion( shopping complex kegemaran baki Zainal yang terbaru) nak buatkan cerita we were happily browsing as we checked out ferragamo. Then I kinda remembered I read somewhere that I needed something from Kiehl’s hahhh so we checked out the shop yang best tue I lupa apa I nak beli tapi cut the whole story short I bought lip balm#1 and the eye cream… wahhh lumayan kene 200 lebih hahhhhhhh…( nie niat tak nak shopping) but I tell you one thing the product is just wowwww… I love the eye cream and also the lip balm they glide on effortlessly and they go straight to work and its no fuss, luxury in clinically influenced containers… you guys have to try it.. as that visit would not be my last I would definitely return to the shop for more( I have a list now) .. if anyone from Kiehl’s reading this then please hear me out.. I want to be a friends of Kiehl’s hahahahahaha check the wonderful products at this address www.kiehls.com
Selepas ke pavilion ingatkan the adventure ends there ohh tidak sekali, I ended up in OU to check out abang og’s couch and sedar tak sedar I spend more money in Roots as they were having major sale ok you heard me right not just any sale but major sale ok… I like their stuff but then yelar its bit too mahal but then its money worth spending as they are doing their bit to curb global warming and they are against sweat shops.. so material and labour mahal so product pun mahal but you are sure to know that you are contributing to make the world a better place which is very important ya.!!! Oh for you out there yang tidak kenal Roots where have you been? Tapi yelar I don’t blame you guys. The company is Canadian.. they make good stuff only that we get limited products. But I believe if we support this cause then sure enough they might just bring in more and open more branches.. hahhhh tolonglar Gap is so yesterday k..(but I still like the undies thou) check them out at www.roots.com.
Im off to catch Narnia tonight with the family and far coming along too, she wants to catch it before habis wajib tayang… ok all I’ll catch you soon.. hopefully with entrees on other stuff than shopping…baki Zainal signing off.

confuse

i want to help but i dont know how am i gonna do this... im currently at this state where i am not sure of how it would be...its really distressing to hear a call for help and you cant put out a hand to reach ... as it seems bit further than you think it is.. how do i do this? there must be an answer but what is it?

wesak

happy birthday!!



wesak day went by really homely.. abang ein and yus came over.. the gate dude came late so kinda had to wait for him to fix the grill before we could have done anything... irony of wesak day is that its a vegetarian feast but my brother was craving for steak and real good steak so what was i to do then google up where i could get good steak without burning a huge hole in our pockets.. so we ended up at jake's in medan damansara..
now jake's is advertised as serving the best steak in town.. hummmmm well i would have to say that they mean business when your in there as in know your meat my friend coz its not gonna be pretty if you get your cuts mixed up hahahaha... we passed on the wagyu but then the other cuts were good as in if you are craving for no frills meat then jake's is a sure bet.. but then the next time i feel like having jake's i'll sure to check out their outlet in starhill as the one in medan damansara smelled like roaches...
anyways it has been a good night... arghhhh my dark circlesssssssssss....

chanel allure homme edition blance

yum yumm i love the smell and the bottles mine.. all mine...


its been 3 days since my birthday.. yes i am 27.. i had initial plans to bring the family out for dinner coz today, everyone is at home..but then at the photo shoot i received a phone call from kak anja saying that uda and family were gonna come over for dinner thus we have to postpone my birthday dinner.. i was kinda upset cause i waited for sometime since my birthday for everyone to be around.. everyone that matters really which are mummy, abang og and kak anja and here comes the punch line jeng jeng jeng i cant have it tonight.. but then i told myself look lets just suck it in and go with the flow.. i could still do it tomorrow.
when i got home my 3 boys were acting funny(ok they are funny but as in weird funny)and i kinda felt something was amiss hummm.. could not really put my finger on it...and then i finally found out after bribing the young one that there is a birthday cake and that theres a whole lot more people coming over for dinner tonight.. dear lord i was really ashamed.. aduhh malu banget gue...
ok long story cut short i pulled thru the night after cake and a lovely classy present from abang og and kak anja (thanks guys i love you) and i walked away feeling whole and knowing that i am really lucky to be who i am and having the best of all worlds and .... i cant stop but to be grateful.. thank you.. thank you .. thank you.

im now 27

its not the gift that counts but then hey its a bonus if your loved and showered with quality..

i don't really like birthdays, i mean i dont mind other peoples birthday but not really mine.. well one major reason is that i get all emotionally worked up as in i get really touched by those who remembers and gets all murky by those who forgets... i know i should not feel that way but i cant help it..
this years birthday is no different really... but then above it all i saw something this year and i figured out many things with the passing of my birthday..
being in this industry has always been a challenge for me be it work but most importantly emotionally challenging... its such a lonely job where if you are not a part of it you would never understand... but today i no longer feel that way as i found family among it and i found people that in many ways than one sees me for who i am.. and i appreciate that. thank you.
but above all to everyone that has made this day so wonderful thank you...

lets close account ...

there it is
our little playground

sun setting on my rod

i cant believe how time fly.. it seems like i have just recently stepped back into this arena and yet its already a year since i last blew my candle at the age of 26.. yes i am now 27. you heard me right 27..
sitting in the middle of no where above waves and sea breeze that brings with it memories of yester years was just the prefect setting for me to live my last minutes of being 26.. yes some people would tell me whats the difference its just another birthday.. but then when you look back what you had done and achieved within this given year you would know what i mean..
many lost and many won, many came, gone and many stayed but above it all i would have to say that i lead a happy enriching year this 26.. i did everything i wanted without hesitation. i am me and i thank those who had, have and shall stand next to me. and above all i thank HIM for all this.. thank you..

deal..

deal or no deal : razif, shamser, me, non, jo b, rina, vick teo

dr oz shall be proud of me..


its been fairly mundane yet interesting 2 weeks for me, has it been 2 weeks since i last wrote? oh man that sucks like big time. ive been trying really hard in getting back into the mod of writing but then theres nothing that inspires me to write.. well anyways lets get on with it..
i got a chance to play deal or no deal, can you believe it? i was on a game show yeah!! its not my first(roda impian). ok i cant still find an explanation for this but then even so i have been infront of the camera hundreds of times having the lights on me and the camera zooming in and out but then i was a nervous wreck yes i was.. giler wei tangan basah basah dan sejuk coz of the tension and fear that got into me all of the sudden, yang bestnya tue i was not even playing for me.. i was playing for charity as it was a celebrity edition.. cayarlar tak aleh aleh aku dah jadi celeb.. masin mulut sharen hahahaha.. walaupun i did not get to the suitcase round tetapi sekurang kurangnya i managed to not look stupid on air as i got one answer right thanks to AL Gore hahahahahaah..
this month is a bit of a tight month financially, well its not really tight but i could not suka suka membeli belah lar kan.. tapi sambil menunggu abang deen in parade, kakiku pun membawa diri ini menuju ke MPH dan hendak dibuatkan cerita jeng jeng jeng i bought 2 new book (even so there are like 5 more books tha i have yet to read sitting patiently on my shelf.) ha, one of the book i bought because of oprah.. its by doctor oz and its called "you on diet" wahh ini case must haves yang teramat chronic.. just because i was on oprah i have to have a copy lar kan... the next one is called "attack of the theater people" wahh pedas ini topic.. yes yes i bought it just by looking at the tittle tanpa soal siasat latar belakang terus ku angkat.. i guess it was the memory of the night where i went and caught Swamp Dwellers bersama rakan rakan.. hahh and the conversation after that was what triggered me to get this book and evaluate.. tapi now come to think about it i dont feel like i am a theater person, i now feel more like a by stander looking into the theater world and trying to make sense to what the issue is all about and dalam kegamatan dunia persembahan ini mungkin boleh diselesaikan dengan cara yang lebih simple dan effective cayarlar tak aleh aleh baki zainal berfalsafah... entah lar labu...
tapikan im sure this coming second half of the year akan lebih menarik tertarik kau memang the bomb.. huhu.. all right all 3 more days b'day i soo ingat ingat lar yer.. cantik menarik tertarik i memang the bomb huhu.. nite all

for example..

good morning
stb crew kuching
wisdom tree
she's still asleep

they invented apartments

so many stuff happened within the past 2 weeks since i arrived in kuching until i flew back this this glorious land known as KL. i got the chance to host with phua chu kang which would definitely be a long lasting memory that i dont think i would be able to forget..
working with STB was just fantastic as they treated me really nice.. thank you kristine and gang..
after coming back and continue working was just smooth sailing, celebrity chat is now officially 100 episode and hopefully it would run strong and continue to the next 100 episode.. i went white water rafting in kuala kubu baru and the guides there i would have to say was just fantastic.. they were trained really well and knew exactly what they needed to do and how to conserve the beauty of the surrounding which in many ways i would say is priceless... i am constantly tan now having to host in the hot sun right after coming back from the islands.. hahaha this really sounds like a summary of it all.. im really sleepy and shall try to sleep now coz i know if i dont then i might just miss out on this chance of a really good nights rest.. nite all.

im in kuching today..

ok i am here again in kuching sarawak for STB road show.. i have this lovely room run by the same people that owns ascot in kl. lovely enjoying it.. ohhh ohhh saw jie at LCCT going off to phuket for the weekend wahhh makcik tue tak habis habis bercuti sahaje.. have fun jie..
i might go home to kl with 2 long piece wood carving.. wahh menarik shopping untuk interior stuff di kuching sungguh suka.. oh ya i didnt get the telemovie job.. sedihhhh..

i am bored..bored i am

i am bored.. im bored out of my lungs.. im bored out of my head.. im bored out of no return.. i am bored .. bored bored bored bored.. i have so many things to do but i am just bored and the body does not want to commerce and move..... alamak perut sakit lar pulak

23rd april

its a tuesday, not a monday or even friday its a tuesday its neither the start of the week nor is ot towards the end of the week nor is it mid week.. ok starting tonight onwards i have to lose weight and tone up again yes i do.. i leave for sarawak to shoot the telemovie on the 5th and start shoot on the 7th of next month.. humm irony of it i dont really like sarawak and it seems to me that this year alone i shall be visiting the place very so often compared to how much time i would have liked to spend there..im just really glad that i get this chance to do my first ever malay telemovie some more holding the lead role.. thank you....
tapi before i get all happy and glee lets get kuching STB over and done with first before we start fantasizing about more stuff.. my schedule looks healthy to me for now... thank you again..
oh ya.. the funniest thing happened on monday or i would like to think that it was the funniest thing.. i went and caught congkak the movie with sue, hafiz, k anja and abg og.. yes i did.. hahahaha my brother could not believe himself when we went in and caught that movie together .. i got abg og and kak anja 2 seats away from us and then i also got them the lover set as for popcorn.. hahaha it was just so cute.. well the movie had potential for the first 15 minutes or so then without fail it went down the drain.. i so hoped and wished that it would have been different.. but yeah it was different in not many good ways then 1 hahahaaha...
i'm hosting firefly event tomorrow at terminal 3 well it seems to be a very simple event but at the same time it does not look that simple..humm i dont get myself at times.. what i meant is that it might seem simple but its not.. ohh man im all geared up for work man.. and i want more work as i am loving the rush...
its hard to explain this "rush" its not the type that i used to have when i was handling my other jobs last time.. this one is really different its this high where you know on a possitive note that day by day means theres a growth and you see the growth.. im loving it really i am.. insyaallah there would be more but for now THANK YOU..

my week

me, sue, cinema...



i would not say that the past week has been really special or mundane, still high on island life.. bit broke(mcm tak biasa) but this week seems special in a way. humm lets look back at what went on..
on tuesday after reaching kl i went out and caught KL Drift with sue, yelar nak kene interview farid kamil jgn buat giler nanti tak tau nak tanya apa hah nak taknye lagi naye... well i would not comment on the movie as it might be your cup of tea but it was not mine and to be politically correct to everyone out there i wont comment on it.. the next day i finally meet Farid Kamil. yes i meet the dude in the flesh siap duduk peluk bantal bersama-sama di celebrity chat.. hahahaha.. he seems like a nice guy, very ambitious which i guess is good.. right after the show received a phone call from a production house who invited me for an audition right there and there to read for their main lead in a malay telemovie... i tried my level best to be the character that they were looking for and according to the director last friday that i scored the role but then me being me till i see the contract or confirm with the producer i do not want to jingx it yet.. pray for me ya guys...
it is now more house shopping and renovation time within the family again as bro, sis and me visited the home expo in midvalley... wahh ada hati nak beli blind 4 ribu.. hahahaha anyways my room should start construction soon... i think would it be worthwhile for me to spend so much money on this room.. i look at it as an investment or shall i say repaying my brothers kind deed in having me live with him all this year i guess with no choice.. hahahaha...
ohh ohh i have to mention this, lock the short film that i did acted for rueben won the astro thing.. and yes i am happy for rueben looks like a lawsuit shall land on mitchs hands if he does not clean up his act in getting my contract done soon... im off for another audition tomorrow hope that would be good and work out.. im kinda tired gonna go sleep now.. night all..

beautiful perhentian..

mama and me on perhentian
yummy mango
my first baracuda

the cool yummy bar..



finally the much awaited trip has come to an end(wont say i am really happy bout it but at the same time i'm bit sad too) it was a magical, tiring, calming family orientated 5 days. it started on a high note with an eager crowd checking into the resort.. thats it die die i have to do something before abang og sampai pulau.. humm yelar giler dah sampai pulau cantik cantik takkan lar aku nak mandi itik kat tepi pantai jer kan. soo scuba diving it was wahh intro to scuba. hahhh best giler its a total new world down there filled with little fishy(just keep swimming, swimming, swimming) and of course if you reach perhentian korang kener lar try the mango shake in b'first bar on perhentian besar.. i tell you its the bomb.. imagine sitting on the beach looking out at the horizon under the hot sun while sipping this freshly blended mango, milk and ice.. arghh im in heaven..
jeng jeng jeng.... on the 2nd day i had an attack which till now i still cant point out the cause but its this painful sensation in my chest that seems like its been blocked and i cant breath.. apa lagi selepas aku menjadi biru(itu satu penipuan, aku dah lar gelap sun tan lagi macam mana nak turn biru kan) i was rushed to the nearby hospital in a boat late at night ala ala baywatch.. hahhh mengikut pakar disana seorang nurse yang berbaju tidor tweety kalau aku tak sampai awal maksudnya innalillah...wow tue lagi drama "artist mati dipulau kerana terlebih minum manggo shake" wahhhh.. glam tak glam.. but everything went well she managed to bring me to life(jgn pandang baju tweety, tweety tweety pun terror tau)
wow the third day has been the most fun and happening day, i swam with turtle, found paradise lost, gateway to heaven, caught my first baracuda and selar papan..and above all relaxed and recuperate as how i wanted..
yang teristimewanya i did all this with people that i cared for and loved no one else people that mattered most to me which is my family.. for them every penny spent and used is worth it. ive always said that i dont get to share my travels and findings with my family as its always been on working trips that i venture out and experience.. this time around shared that is important.

baggage

my island gear
hey i still have to go on camera when i get back.. prevention is better than cure
humm lets see if i get to finish all that

i baki zainal, take this oath that i shall not purchase anymore items that shall contribute to my trip to perhentian this coming thursday..(unless of course i find that really cool cowboy straw hat that would go so well with the other stuff that i have bought).. the amount that i have spent for this couple of days has just been really scary.. everyday just seemed to be a good excuse to checck out the sale or the new items in quicksilver or some dive shop somewhere and every single purchase is justified with the idea that i am going for this trip and yes it is ok to splurge on ones self as it has been sometime since one last did so(dont lie)
hahaha oh man, i should be asleep by now its 12.30am and i have say 4 hours to sleep if i catch my shut eye at 1am as i have to be in the airport at 6am which means i would have to leave the house at 5,30am latest as to catch my flight to Alor Setar and its a day trip.. im so used to this lifestyle now that i guess by september i should be able to earn myself enough enrich points to fly to melbourne for free... hahahaha..after which i am off to ipoh for a daily job yes i am..
oh man i am really into going off to the islands yes i am ive got my beach gear checked (courtesy of quicksilver,nike, havannahs) skincare (banana boat and lancome/ i have to take care of my skin i amgoing on air again right after i come back to kl) and books to read and wordpuzzles (courtesy of OMG and Borders)..
with full excitement, dreading work mood and a hole in the pocket.. i shall try to lay my self to sleep and catch up with you laters.. will try to blog before i leave.. nites

she taught me how

shot cantik, i took that ahahahahaha macam kid chan
tai tai lighting up ciggie with matches humble sikit kan
practice lepak future apartment ala ala brothers and sisters


hurray!! i finally now know how to save pictures using my mac yes yes.. it was Zeeka who taught me how to.. yes thats the girl in the picture above( thanks to jom bali, ikea and canon)

now let me tell you a bit about this chick, she is one of those people that i would go out of the way for cause i guess she knows me although we have only known each other since uni years and yes even so i am old those years were not that far away..hahaha(thats what i like to think) she has been there supporting me in many ways then she would even know.. she has kept me sane in my state of insanity hahahaha.. not many people can take my over whelming lifestyle yes yes i know i can be difficult.. but in all that she has been there and of course the ability to take each others tai tai lifestyle.. ahahahaha..

after numerous breakfast, train sessions and car cock up sessions.. she is definitely a keeper yes she is.. even so if she wants to get rid of me hey sister that aint gonna ever work.. i have a hand full of such people in my life and she is one of them.. ok dont go and tell her those pictures were also taken from her blog hahahaha.. thanks zeek for walaupun kau keji tak bawakkan aku cupcakes tapi aku masih sayang ko.. muah..

strive

tonight was the official opening of Wendys malaysia and yes i had to have a taste of it.. yumm yumm... i had the burgers.. it was not as heavenly as i wanted it to be but yeah it was still good.. hahaha..
the past week has been hectic with all the activities going on much on the preparation of heading to the islands ohh man it really burst my pockets i could not believe how i could burst 4k within the last week( well actually i could)
as officially today i now have a maid yes i now have a maid that would just take care of my laundry and of course my room and my welfare( hahahaha we had this conversation my brother and i of the maid issue and how our little house would now have 2 maids.) she is hard working so yeah y not.
im off to alor star on monday for RAP and then ipoh, im so happy for my friend.. i am indeed.. theres so much and yet so little that i could write on this entry.. have to start looking for more stuff or else next month would be bit more empty then i want it to be.. am i demanding too much these days or am i just stating what is rightfully mine.. i dont know. insyaallah everything should turn out fine.. it should..
you can say i am full of insecurities and yet i am strong.. i believe that what is rightfully mine should be mine and yes i shall strive hard for what i believe in.. nite all

more more more traveling this month

i am very sleepy currently.. the mata very heavy but then have to blog.. getting ready for the stint in perhentian..padahal before that there is alor setar, ipoh and melaka bbut no perhentian matters most hahahahaha.. anyways.. after 2 visits to Quicksilver and a damage pocket i all i need now is a stop at the pharmacy and i am all ready to go.. hurray for me!! but before hand melaka is tomorrow so lets kill that one first before we berangan being rocked by the perhentian waves..