effective memory

last night i had a mid nite shoot.. giler mata aku macam panda.. baru jer ingat nak cantik menarik tetarik ... the shoot brought out alot of me last night.. i didnt like myself last night.. it was a very intense scene between 2 friends.. yang tak logicnya aku terbawak bawak watak aku kedalam dunia aku sendiri.. susah wei.. semakin hari aku dalami watak aku semakin hari aku sayang kat ko-actor aku... yep, its not the sort of cinta aku nak mati kalau tak jumpa punya sayang.. its more of kecik-kecik dulu kite main guli, curi ice-cream kat kedai pak mat, kat university aku kasi ko cinta ngn awek yang aku memang suka tapi takpe, dah besar aku nak anak aku kawen ngan anak ko.. and that ccould not and surely must not happen as man i only know this fella like what 3 weeks.. hahahaha.. aduh tular dulu chris jacob ajar aku ponteng... i need to learn how to close this window.. as an actor i must tune out...aduhhh parah macam nie... nanti dapat watak kaki rogol susah tiap tiap hari nanti nak main jer keje..
after being triggered by the writer and director last night the new years eve incident 4 years ago seemed fresh and real and im still struggling to turn off.. please i need focus.. i need closure .