crackers anyone?

for the past 2 days i have been waking up at about the same time 4 am just to satisfy a craving that my body has which id hunger... and for the past 2 days as usual i feed it with crackers.. now you might say gee wizz aint that a real healthy choice but honestly thats the only thing currently besides hot tea that my body will literally keep down... but this morning i made my 4am treat slightly interesting .. i didnt swallow my cracker down with hot tea.. i kept it down with the yummy manggo juice thingy that trust me on normal circumstances i would stay way far from... but today since thats the only other thing that is not cold i decided to have that with my 4am cracker..
i now no longer feel the pain only discomfort that i have is with the sourish substance that i could taste at the back of my tounge..
my mother got up as i was having my morning treat and asked with she could make me a cup of hot tea.. something she learned that would immediately put a smile on my face .. since frowning has been the color of the week.. i said no which promt her to go back to bed.. i love my mom.. all in all she tries to keep company and helps me in all manners that just makes me mad at her and questions her care towards me.. but deep down i know its my mothers way of showing that i dont stand alone and she is standing right next to me againts all odds.. subhanallah what have i done to deserve such a beautiful soul .. syukur..
i'm meeting up with the gastro specialist next week to determind what thus lay infront of me.. but till then i have come to my sences .. i have sucked my thumb long enough .. the period of scaring myself and living in fear of the boogeyman that i dont see just has to stop.. i am a fighter thats what i do best.. i can't do much to what ever that would be stated on the test results next week..thats something out of my control.. but what i could continue controling are things that would bring an instant smile to my face such as my pledge to spread the word out and help my mother earth.. finishing the blue prints and putting bricks together with my kor in forming those castles in the sky... and of course the joy of being it my turn to offer my mom a cup of hot tea when she is seated in a game of scrabble with her sisters..
He has plans for me i know... but till then i will continue fighting .. i am a fighter.. thats what i do best..