im back

Man, who says thai guys are small?
morning in berinchang
ahoy!! me captain..

ok.. i know i know i have sinned for not even taking the consideration or even the initiative of writing anything in here...honestly besides not having the time to be honest i didnt have the need or urge... is it becoz i am more happy with meself and life or is it becoz i am just fazed out by the idea of bitching to an empty page who would not talk back? oh please talking bout no feedback we humans are soo much more advanced and clever in that field arent we i should know hahahaha..
i guess it would have to be that i have learned to take things to stride... spend time and effort on towards things and people that matters and not drain myself towards negetive fields and bodies...im really supprise to upon taking such steps and commitment..hahahaha.. evident enough by the 3 pictures above that potrays the simple and short timescape of a short visit of baki zainal's life..i shall be versitile.. i shall shine and i shall out beat .. look out world...

Crash...

man oh man ... this week has been a very bad week.. first i kinda lost a job ... then i lost a parking ticket which i then found again in the car... and tonite kinda topped the cherry on the surface.. i met up with an accident.. yes, i crashed into another car...ok, 1st of all i would have to say that its not really my fault as 1. i was not on the phone
2i was not speeding,
3, i was focused
what happened was that 3 cars infront of me went on emergency break as they were coming down a slop and i was right behind the last car. then after breaking the car slided down the slop and yes i bangged the car infront of me.. only that the car infront of me was not damaged as he only has like a few calar here but the car that i was driving which was abg ein's car kinda really am in bad condition as half of the front part was just smashed into half.. yes.. that was how it was..
Far and clyde came to my rescue before mama and kak anja arrived and they saw me thru the whole making of the police report and then to the workshop and all.. thanks guys . and so now i kinda like wondering is it a signal from Him did i do something wrong which i think i did... but what ever it is i am going to take it as a warning from Him that i should not just take His gifts for granted and be thankful and show Him my gratitude.. ok guys thats enough for tonight i need to calm myself i shall see you all soon. thanks ya.

odd feel

ok i dont know why am i feeling this way or like why even so am i doing this... today i got some bad news bot some stuff relating to celebriteens.. now i know i should not be fazed about it but yeah it kinda got me into thinking if that moment is actually arriving and if that its means that i used up my time... humm ok that sounds odd and confusing.. anyways recently it has kinda sorta been a slow month for me.. yes i know both geetha and diana are doing their exstream level best to get me out there... ohh by the way im now officially a celebrity fitness member thanks to Geet hurray and i have been going to the gym like every single day coz i no longer want to give people out there a chance to hurt myself esteem... hazlin pointed out my self worth i and i am not going to compromise on that matter anymore... but i still cant help yet to feel insecure at certain times... climbing these stairs alone is hard and lonely and yeah i mean i have not been completely out of job yet.. but the thing is that i dont really feel the safety net being there and i dont like this empty feeling of being on the edge of danger... i know i know it does not help yet to feel insecure... jesus i think i just needed to bitch i guess... there are certain habits that i have to quit and i am sure that i have to do that soon... arghhh i hate myself for not being strong... he gave me this chance and why the fuck am i fucking it up.... i have to be strong... i have too.. today will be my last draw.. yes i cant keep saying it and not doing it.. today shall be my last draw..i need to make this ramadan meaningful.... please help me today shall be my last draw...

more pictures

me in the pool after being thrown in by the kids
jue and me hosting on stage i love my baju
jue, shikin and me back stage
yeah its dunking time
wendy, mee rong, jia kang, ah tuck and me just chilling

yeah, finally more pictures. thank you chris. yup we had soo much fun at the grand finals... i loved my top from philosophy and jue's outfit comes from salabianca. thank you guys... then of course after the finals we had to have a nice closing for the whole competition for the kids so event plus a.k.a Mr Alan Thoo came with organized a nice "wet" afternoon for the kids and us and yes they threw me into the pool... yup dont need a rocket scientist to figure that bit out. . we all got wet ... ahhh 1 week with no work... humm enjoying time off but at the same time the workerholic in me craves to work and craves to earn more hahahahahaha not my fault that one of my weaknesses is of course greed. but yeah gonna try my level best to chill bit more and then roughly next week another power packed week to comeok all i am now gonna take a nice nap as i have to attend the preview for in 1957 MERDEKA!! MERDEKA!! MERDEKA!!!

long time no see

sarawak cultural village post rainforest music fest

the munchkins sending me off to the airport
farins wedding in johor recently picture of ma and me
sri and me clubbing in penang
the fairy wells or the 7 wells in langkawi

my oh my look how time flies .. and yes i know i have sinned as i have not post anything on this page for like ages and ages long hahahahaha yes i have finally found my breathing space for the time being...i cant count how lucky i am being able to capture priceless moments and travel to places that i never would have imagined i would step on and see things and experience life on a level that is just soo alive.... the amount of points that i have accumulate on my enrich card is just like wow and all that was just done within the 3 months that i have been in DCT ..the aknowlagement ... someone once told me that i have to know myself worth and it felt strange and akward at first coz it felt as if i was putting on airs but then i came to realise that its not airs bbut that is how much i am worth and why i shouldnt at anytime look down on myself anymore...i believe that why HE has always been there for me is to show me what i am really worth ... thank you.... these 3 months would always be with me ... i am slowing my pace for the time being as i believe that HE has something bigger installed for me thus i shall wait and see... ok guys i am gonna take a rest now and shall try to catch up with you all soon..

baki zainal

the original digicelebriteen team..

the original digicelebriteen team. the good old days infact they have been the best not saying that this bunch is not they are all great people but the at the same time miss all the guys alot man... came across this picture on my friendster and decided that it needs to be put in a more suitable place where else better than here close to my heart...

travel travel

potato n me in kuantan
jace n me in kuantan
wendy, jace and me traveling back
trust a mcd... kuantan

well more photo of my travels i have just receive this lot from jace... ok i have another complex now actually not even a complex i am just in love with chinese songs now... yes i am listening to a few really soppy ones as i am typing hahahahaa yes yes...thanks to wendy or yik boon to have supplied me with the songs ahhh i am just happy to listen to them actually their not really happy tunes infact its very sad.. but i guess it suits my state of mind to be honest ... anyways have to continue my script or shall i say start my script.. after one fag and i am roaring to goo... nite all.

star struck

ok i know i owe the blog an entry bout the rain forest fest but then that could wait.. my experience tonite cant... i was at the A party to cover the digicelebriteen kids but then i had to do my normal duty of interviewing peopple and guess what besides miggling with big names in the chinese singing industry like joey, victor, i had the chance to meet up with GARY CHAW yes my friend the guy that sang the chinese version of superwomen and also superman... dude was really humble and he was soo much fun... it was just surreal as he is a league soo far away from me and here i was standing there next to him sharing some moments and then i had the chance to interview him in perfect english.... i told him a was star struck and he was just soo humble... i am not gonna wash my hands for the next few weeks coz that hand shaked gary's... ok next entree i promise would be bout rainforest fest and my experience of sarawak,,,

sarawak

my princess
see you in sarawak
recording time


ok.. i am now in sarawak... it feels like a foreign land man... its soo laid back... my idea of going to BAKO had to be postpone as i had to fly back to kl yesterday but that not going to come in between me and the rainforest music fest man... i shall be going no matter what... its kinda funny having to fly in and out... hahahahahaaha feels like im jet setting here and there... shall try to meet up with farin here in kuching... it would be soo wrong man if i miss out in meeting him here...anyways... i miss kl and miss family but then hey i have to keep strong and go for it.. my future shall be my first goal now... but then hummm... ok im not going down that road again... well have soo much work to do... i dont even know if i could do the play anymore... infact for all our benefits i might just have to drop it now and get things on the roll and not let the others wait for me... its really not fair....ok then i have got to go now... have someother major stuff to finish... my god even in a hotel room i dont have time... hahahahahahahahaah

ikan kering

i wanted to post this picture up on my blog like soo long ago but i did not have the time and at the same time i did not have my laptop with me... for reasons that i shall not state on the blog... this picture and infact all the preety pictures that looks bit artistic comes from a penang lad by the name of adrian...... thanks mate..... thsi was taken by the beach off beserah and it was actually my off day which i took with much stride... i fell asleep on the beach and tadahhhhh the next thing i know adrian took this lovely picture....
thsi whole month or soo hs been scuch a roller coaster ride for me... the ups and downs mostly ups compared to downs have been really good but now i would have to start planning for the months to come... see what shall i do... see you in kuching DCT

see ya adrian...we'll miss you

rich, me, adrian aka potato, jace and wendy
twin towers, jules and me

last weekened was DCT northern region 2 finals and also adrians and Hong Ren last working day with us on DCT... i'll miss these guys ... the mere two month of working together was just really special as we all had to travel on long terms with each other around peninsular malaysia.. the jokes we share and the stress actually there were not that many compared to the other productions that i have worked along side with .... made all of us wiser and closer as the days evolved .... i guess i dont just say this on my own account but also on behalf of DCT 2007 production team we love you and you shall be miss.

its hard ....

well well well some habits are hard to kill really... this week has been full of bad habits being it material or emotional.... and i know that i would need to kill off some of them but why am i soo stubborn ... why do i not listen to my innerself? why is it that i would need to wait till i fall flat on my face? arghhh baki your soo stupid.....
i know i am not suppouse to believe in ju ju but heck i do and i know most of these bad habits brings bad juju... and for the past week or so i have been surrounded with bad juju... but i guess i am lucky in some sence that i have soo many lovely people to get me up and bring me fourth ... i am blessed in many matters and i have HIM to thank.... .... HE has been there for me... i kinda feel HIS help but i have to start helping myself in many ways and i have to stop sitting on my ass and DO SOMETHING bout it

empty

i have soo much to say and but i cant find the words to say it......

The Journey

berlari ke langit
ah tuck and me

the journey took me to many places... many different emotions felt... many different people meet.... it is one experience that i will one day look back at and say i never regreted a single moment of it... im half way thru the journey ... i have few more places to go .... and with GODs will... it would be a great one too.

21 jalan pinang

ah tuck n me infront of garage
too much to drink guys
kang kang n me on the streets of penang

hahahaha penang trip has been really hectic not much time wasted as there was really an amazing turn out for the auditions..... but that did not stop me from still going out for a night cap.... it was arrons birthday and this chinese dud just turned 21 that nite and he is still a virgin... jeng jeng jegn so guess who was given the honour to change him to a man at least a drunkard.... no other than baki zainal.... hahahahaha

i hate to pack

why why do i have to pack.... i hate packing i really do.. eventhou its just a 3 days thing in penan g but then i still have to pack for it and i never can pack lite.... how to be on globe trecker like that aduhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............ still have to pack wish me luck see you guys in penang...

happy happy people

dont ask me why i picked this picture... i am not hyped like any of them currently... i am not sad but i am just not hyped ... infact currently i am trying to bore myself to sleep... yes i am just too tired from the power pack week that i had last week and also the whole idea that i am off again to penang very soon... but heck im enjoying it really...
the picture seems to have such an irritating effect... everyone is just soo happy.. but looking at this picture i cant help but to remember my lovely and wonderful crew... they are brilliant, wonderful and sweet people... i have nothing bad to say bout them really... and i cant imagine anyone having anything bad to say bout them at all really...
ok im gonna try what the others have been doing on their blogs by giving people names just by calling them with the first innitials in their name.. ok here goes, i meet J today for lunch then J told me that H, F and F were bitching bout J ... ok i dont know how to do this.... i must get lessons from sums and fara.. they seem to be experts in this matter.... ohhh my....
im starting to get sleepy so i guess thats a possitive sign... soon i shall fall asleep ... i have an early day tomorrow ... meeting up with aziz m.osman's productions tomorrow... aite babes wish me luck....

ipoh-ipoh

Ok ... i know i know this sounds like a sin ... i should not be falling in love with ipoh ... but currently i cant help it ..... i mean i am not going all yaya about it bout some where there i liked it ... i guess its the crowd and of course the people that i meet, the places that i chilled at and the new experience that i gained ... well the spa was one not to forget hahahaha .... thank god the guys were there with me ... it was like something that came out from a bad 80's hongkie gangster flick ... ahahahahaha as ah tuck said all we need now are tatoo's hahahahaha .... the feeling of being there was just weird .... it was "clean" fun but with a hummm naughty pinch to it...
drinking buddies made and found ..... richard with his teh tarik and PS with her chocolate blended ...... ohh ohh going to do a bit of sales pitch here... situated somewhere in Greentown Ipoh, theres this nice little place called 'Shayo De Vin'.... it is stocked with a wide exstensive range of beers, liquor, spirit and wines.... according to some very realible source it is so much cheaper than KL( of course it is everywhere is... opppsssss i tell a lie. Johore) the music that they play there is just right... from the 60's to the 80's hahahahaha... we hanged there 2 nites in a row... it felt really good having friends around chatting away while sipping on port... hahahahhaha ok thats enough descriptions hahahahaha...
well alls well that end well.... ipoh was just great ... making a pit stop at home..
nite babes

ipoh

up in bed in the midst of ipoh... recalling all that is done within this past week... humm its remarkable really... i have always felt that this is the life that i would want to lead and no doubt about it really... it is the life that i want to lead... but sometimes i wonder if im cut for it...
an industry where the physical being means more than interlect or even heart... sometimes when reality bites and knowing that you ae somehow not good enough one way or the other is a sad manner.... but i would just have to be strong and go on........
the subject of being A-list kept coming up... i know i am never A-list... infact i dont really care if i am or not.... i just want to survive and that means most.....
hahahahaha come to think of it i am staying in this famous chicken hotel in ipoh and they have wifi.... fuyoooh

alone

What would i do without this thing... the voice that i would never have... a place where i could just be myself and spill my hearts worth... so what if its not brain empowering ... screw that, the most important thing for me is that i can breath and i can paint this page with what and how i feel....
I know im sounding drama again... not something new to my friends ... but i do feel that i am loosing a part of myself again.... why is he so important to me? why?..... why cant i just ignore it and just let him float his way.... why? ... as i type my chest becomes so heavy.....
Why does it seem so hard to detach myself ... being truthful and telling him that.. gave him the power over me... for these years he was the brother that i never had... but now i guess all good things has to come to an end.... he no longer needs me... he has found a firmer ground to stand on with new people to hold his hands... why cant i see that... actually i see it clearly... very clear.. but why do i still bother... i am not needed on his cloud anymore... he might not even have space for me anymore..... i have found so many excusses for this .... but i guess i just cant let go and i dont want to let go... i love him dearly.... but letting go just seems the out most natural thing to do..... please help me thru this.... it hurts and im alone... the room is always full and yet i am alone....

blank

i really dont know what to write really... but the guilt in me for not scribling my tick a tack is just eating up inside... i would just have to say that i am blessed and i am enjoying what He has layed out for me.... He who knows me well...
but sometimes and most recent the fear of loosing it all when it is just in you grasp sends shivers down my spine as the pain of being down and being lost is just unbearable.... but i shall take it in my stride...
many things have happened for the past month or so... new developments some pleasant some not, mutual understanding reached, friends made and lost just confims this existence... hahahaha trying to hard to sound clever are we... anyways going off now... promise to come back on and scribble more to details

F.A.M.E

fame... its a odd word.... something that one would want to know and yet shy away from...
i know i would never get a chance to know and embrace that word... i do feel that as things are running smooth for me... path are being layed out nicely so that it would be a smoother journey... but would i ever reach that moment? i doubt it....
but as time goes now... fame is not what i am looking for really.... it is more of a survival need that i am searching for... searching for projects to continue working and sustaining this life.... i'll be lying if i dont admit to being glad and happy if that word comes along with the job that do... but if it doesnt then so be it... i am still contempt i guess...
you must be wondering what triggered me to write this entree.... i dont really know actually... its just this feeling of tracking some people that i knew off and how that word has changed their life...
please GOD if i do get there dont let it blind me.... i would want to stay focus.....

jb town

finally im back in my own room, on my own bed.... it feels soo much better now rather than having a hotel room.. not that i complain... but finally the end of my 5 days misery staying down in jb..
i kinda feel bad... i had a day off in jb and i didnt go and visit my aunt.... why oh why and yet i spent that day lingering around and trying to find a purpose and something to do in town (which at the rate that things are going in jb there was nothing)
when i was walking down the roads of JB town trying to recall sweet memories .... it was kinda odd that rather than feeling joy and happy at the development i felt sad and hollow... the jb that i know and loved has lost its spirit and has lost its energy.... it is growing fast... shops of different kinds growing here and there ... but yet besides all this consumerisme ... nothing else seems to make sense... the people no longer seemed to matter ... the vadeei uncle is still alive( god bless his sweet soul) not forgeting to throw in a few extra vadeei when ever i buy some from him...
when i traced back my tracks.... images of the old me growing up in jb came back... images of mama bringing me up alone seemed so close.... images of those happy days with papa were visible... i missed those days... i missed having a family unit.... i didnt want to go back to papa's house coz i dont really know if i could take it.... knowing that he is no longer there waiting on his chair for his son to come home from school... knowing that he wont be there to pass me my breakfast in the morning that he has made so that his son would not be hungry in school.... my papa is now just my memory.... im too caught up with this life that i forget.... maybe one day i shall be strong enough to return and pay homage....
till that day comes i shall wait and i shall miss....

26

my official entree at the age of 26... 26 is an odd figure really... its neither here nor there... hummm... some what like how i am feeling now.
im leaving for jb tomorrow for bout a 5 days... i am sure that it will be ultra boring to an extream of no return hahahahahahahaha.... unless of course i make it colorful... but then how much colorful can i make it to be? jb is so small and so limiting that its really sickening...
i wonder how can any normal person survive jb? or am i the weird one out ... hummmm
anyhow... im gonna try to make the best out of the situation...
i am 26

still sick

i dont really know what to call the condition tht i am in currently as i no longer have the fever but then i feel like puking and my mouth taste nasty... i feel floaty, hungry and yet i cant stand the sight of food..........
what did i do to deserve such a sickness.... i think its majorly bad and horrible ... someone help me.... i cant turn 26 in this condition..... this is not good....

im sick

i just recently got back from location shoot... then i fell sick... really sick... it was 2 days of high fever mixed with a throbing head.... but i count my lucky star as it came right after our mothers day lunch....
i am now in a moment of ultimate blurness.... its that moment when you recover from fever that you kinda like fall into this stupid trance... hahaha for whatever credit i could give hey i have the next 2 days to be stupid....
see you guys at 26...

HE is listening

i know, some of you who reads this entree would raise one eyebrow and laught at me... i dont care really... i have always had faith that HE listens to me.... among all HIS creatures i feel that i am unworthy of HIS love and i am lost at all recognition... but i stood corrected by the kindness that HE bestows upon me....why?.... people say that we should always have HIM in our hearts but then the original truth of it all is that we only think of HIM when we are at our most need and when we are down... i dont know bout all of you but i am surely guilty of this... and yet HE has never let me stray too far away.... even to learn to love HIM i need to ask for assistance...
Recently, i was at my most down as i felt unworthy, unloved and useless... and an opportunity came for me to reach out and change that... i know its a big risk but i took it... as i was waiting i grasp for HIM to stand next to me... cause i felt small standing alone... and without my noticing HE was standing there listening to my cry when my loud scream seemed silent... finally HE proved to me HIS presence.... and i feel it... it feels soo beautiful and it feels so enriched.... i know i am not a good person nor am i a good muslim but with HIM there i shall slowly but surely evolve one day to be the muslim that HE wants me to be...insyaallah...
I stand witness that there is no god besides ALLAH and I stand witness that Muhammad is HIS messenger...

i did something really wrong

i dont like how i feel currently.... i did something really bad and wrong.... i should not have done such a thing.... it is so low of me.... but i didnt know how else to do such a thing... in the situation tht i am in... i am sorry... i know im not suppose to and i know how selfish i am being... but i just cant help it... i really needed the help but i dont know to bark at which direction.... if say i do bark would people hear my call.... would people notice....i dont know and i dont think i am ready to know as sometimes the truth hurts..... i promise i will stop one day and i will repent... but as for now i needed to and i wanted to... its eating me and it hurts but guess i would just have to live with it for now.... i know, YOU know how it hurts me to do so.. please i need YOU now to help me get thru... please dont abandon me....

Happy Labour Day

Happy Labour Day........... yesterday i had to be involved in jac's latest MTV... and i did catering hahahahahaha ironic... she is such a sweetheart... i reached home at 7am and guess what they were still shooting... yes they were... but jac was very professional about it and took it under her belt.... and her voice... her voice.... her voice.... i was just speechless when i heard her sing...
pictures above were taken in media prima(my ex work place) at the said 5am in the morning...
i meet up with the girls tonite to chill... spoke about alot of different matters about the things that is happening in our life... about the people that we met recently... and i told them bout my latest revelation... i want to get married.... hahahahaha.... you should see the look on their faces... it was just priceless... but yeah... i finely found it in me that i would want to get together with someone and spend my life with them forever(depending when it ends)... i have always known that i would one day want to have kids... how could i not when i see my little muses grow up and being there for them ..... but now i want to compliment it with getting married... and no its not my clock ticking away... and definitely i will not just rush into it.... hey theres alot to think about and money is one of the biggest issue... and of course first i have to find myself a girl.... hahahahahaha... duhhhh.... but yeah its just hard to explain why and how i came to this decision....but at this point it just seems logical to me... it does..... hummm... i guess not all things are meant to be logical... certain things should just let it happen and progress naturally...allrite then.. im going to bed... nite all.

man in the rain

its a cold, wet night... everything seems grim and grey........
i have a shoot with jac tomorrow for her latest MTV... but ironic part is that im not staring in it..infact i am doing the catering part of the production.... hahahaha can you believe that... so now the only thing that is not under my belt is editing... everything else i have done or am currently doing...humm... it kinda builds the character i guess and makes one appreciate the industry more and of course the people in the industry.... arghhhh results are suppose to come out tomorrow... my heart is skipping beats as we speak..... i really do want it... but usually in my case when it comes to the things that i really want... HE then test me and takes it away... i mean HE does grant me gifts here and there and i am ever so gratefull... but sometimes ... lets just say one can never be greedy.
being a loner has its ups and downs really... humm... never really saw myself in that light...i remembered someone actually called me the live of the party... then of course theres a little bird that once said that i sometimes can be overwhelming(i hope i spelled that right) hahahahaha.. never really got around in asking her to explain... hummm... well as certain things are meant to be just how it is and not to ponder upon... me not ponder... please... giving me too much credit there... hahahaha...
i cant stop to notice that i might sound like as if im currently residing in prozac nation... hahaha... by the rate that i am going , i might just consider buying a plot there... hahaha... oh well ... its dark, cold and wet(sounds like an old flame of mine).... im signing off... i guess i'll just have to soak it all in... nite princess

boy by the sea

i was looking up pictures on the net... and no i was not looking at porn... i should have been.. but i was looking for pic that told a story... as i was flipping thru.. since i have the day to myself today as i was not well and i didnt go for shoot.... i saw this picture of a young man sitting by the sea alone... and funny enough that is how i feel currently.. alone.. you know how at certain times you might be in a crowded room but for just that 1 second you feel alone... yeah i feel that now... maybe i am just over reacting...
im currently torn.... i cant really say im torn .... i have this major issue with myself for accepting a job that currently makes me cringe... i dont know if that is good or bad... but yeah it kinda makes me sick....and praying that i receive another offer if such comes along and i will sway.... but then would that make me a bad person?... my brother said to me that sometimes we have to be selfish in certain ways... and so i guess maybe this is my way... why am i counting my chicks before they hatch.... please show me what route should i take....
im off now... going to see hafiz.... nite